Acceptance Vs. Awareness
What is it?
Why does it matter?
As a former “autism mom” who faithfully lit it up blue during the month of April, and searched tirelessly to find all the pieces to the puzzle of my son, I want to take a few minutes to talk about why I no longer do these things…. Why I am simply a mom, why there are no blue lights or puzzle pieces in my home, office, or social media, and why I now advocate for autistic acceptance instead of autism awareness.
“Awareness” denotes the idea that people need to know autistic people exist. This goes along with the idea of invisible disability, and the expectations our society places on humans without fully understanding them. Ok, that’s fine. But incredible amounts of controversy exist around the foundations of this movement (with very good reason), and it doesn’t go far enough.
“Acceptance” brings with it the ideas of inclusion and value. It goes beyond awareness and calls us to a higher standard of understanding. Autistic acceptance doesn’t mean we just accept unsafe behaviors, or offer no supports. On the contrary, autistic acceptance means we work with the autistic individual to solve the problems that lead to unsafe behaviors. It means we offer appropriate supports, led by the autistic individual’s needs and what they communicate they want. Acceptance is about understanding that autism is not some “foreign invader” in my child’s body, and it will not be cured. Instead, it is intrinsically part of who they are, a whole person full of value in all of their complexity, and their voice matters.
We all learn, grow, and change, (in my mind one of the greatest aspects of being human) and this is not about shaming those who are not where I am. There is validity in the struggle to help our children work through problems causing behaviors that put them and others in danger. There is validity in the fear that our children will experience unfairness and pain. If you find yourself wanting to cure this “thing” that seems to be obliterating the life you imagined, I get it. I have been there. But let me tell you why I’ve changed: listening to autistic adults.
I have listened to autistic adults like My Autistic Soul who taught me that stimming (flapping, rocking, humming, and other repetitive behaviors that soothe the individual) is both healthy and necessary.
Or a whole group of generous autistics who give their time, knowledge, and lived experience to offer resources for parents of autistics at Ask Autistic Adults. They taught me that the majority of the autistic community prefers identity first language, but best practice is to ask the autistic individual what they prefer.
And the actually autistic adults (as opposed to neurotypical people giving information about autism) at neuroclastic.com who have more thoughtful and educational posts that I can even begin to name here. For timeliness, check out C.L. Lynch’s 2019 article entitled “It’s April, So It’s Time To Argue About Autism Speaks” where I learned why autistic adults call Autism Speaks a hate organization and feel outrage over the puzzle piece and blue lights.
Listening to autistic adults has turned my world upside down in the best way possible. I am learning about self-determination and disability justice and the value of neurodiversity. I understand my own child better and that is deeply good.
Autistic adults are asking us not just to be aware that autism exists. They are asking us to accept them for who they are. To allow them to stim as a self-soothing tool, and have other necessary supports to live a meaningful and fulfilling life. To recognize the gifts they bring to our families and communities. To welcome them into spaces as whole people, and not try to change them to fit a neurotypical standard. And I agree. Acceptance, not merely awareness, should be our goal.
I still have a lot of learning, growing, and changing to do (I hope that never stops), so help me out.
Which autistic adults have most impacted your life?
Who are you learning from?
Comments